Flying Backwards Read online

  “I don’t know–but that would be awesome. You should definitely try and see what happens,” Nora encouraged her friend.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Nora spent the Fourth of July in Stockholm, Sweden. The whole crew, even the pilots, went to visit the city’s Ice Bar, a bar constructed literally of ice blocks. The crew laughed at each other in the thick, puffy ponchos they were given before entering the bar. They drank out of glasses made of ice. It was a hip place Nora would always remember.

  Because Bree and Nora had both worked over the Fourth, they organized a get-together for dinner with some friends a few days after the holiday, when everyone had the day off together. Nora had promised Sergei she’d cook for him, and she was glad to get the chance to do so tonight. Nora served a classic barbequed pulled-pork that had been bubbling on the stove all day. Crusty rolls for pulled-pork sandwiches, steamed corn on the cob, a homemade potato salad, and a green salad waited on the table.

  When Rebecca walked in, she cried, “Oooo, that smells delicious!” She displayed two six-packs of hard cider. Rebecca admitted she had bought the cobbler in the bag hanging over her arm. “I flew in late last night, and I fly out again tomorrow morning. I love to bake, but I didn’t have time. Plus my air conditioning just can’t keep up with this heat. My roommates wouldn’t be too happy if I ran the oven.” She pursed her lips.

  Bree stuck her nose in the bag. “Mmm, we can nuke it in the microwave and add some vanilla ice cream. I know we still have some in the freezer.” Rebecca nodded and smiled at Bree’s brilliant idea. Rebecca informed them her transfer was accepted and she’d be moving by the end of this month, but she promised she’d come back and hang out in Philly.

  Sergei and Alexei arrived with beer and a female guest. Alexei introduced his American girlfriend, Ann. After they exchanged greetings, they quickly piled food on their plates and sat around the dining room table to enjoy a relaxing evening. Everyone laughed between mouthfuls of food, and the conversations never ceased. When everyone was done and groaning over full bellies, Rebecca and Bree cleared the dishes. Alexei and Anna moved to the comfortable sofa. Nora and Sergei slipped out the back door. Not even the dark evening offered relief from the heat. Nora began to sweat just standing still. Sergei leaned against the railing, looking down at his beer bottle. When Nora remained silent, he spoke. “Dinner was delicious. Thank you.”

  Nora smiled. “It was nothing. I owed you after the amazing dinner you made for me.” Nora’s thoughts flashed back to that night, and she pushed them out of her mind. “I’m glad we got a chance to get together with everyone.” She wanted to keep the conversation nonchalant but realized she needed to address what had happened between them.

  “Sergei, you are a real gentleman and a good friend. I owe you a thank you for not taking advantage of a certain situation.” She was too embarrassed to say, “Thanks for not having your way with me when I was drunk.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “And I also owe you an apology. I’m sorry for putting you in that situation. You see, I’m sort of seeing this guy, and things were…‌are…‌not going…” She trailed off, at a loss for what to call Antonio’s inappropriate proposal. “Not going as I had expected. Anyway, I know we’ve kind of had some interest in each other…” Her words died away again. What am I trying to say?

  Sergei reached for her hand and drew her to him. “What do you want, Nora? Are you interested?” His voice was deep, his accent heavy. He released her hand so he could place his on her hip. She did not pull away; Sergei took that as affirmation.

  “I honestly don’t know what I want. I’m still trying to figure out my life,” she offered, feeling pathetic.

  “We are all trying to do that, I think. I know what I want when it comes to you,” he said suggestively. He set down his bottle on the wooden railing and placed that hand on her other hip. He widened his legs, still braced against the railing, and then he gently guided Nora against him. Their bellies were practically touching.

  His lips were too close to hers. Her hands came up to rest against his chest. Nora’s mind urged her to say, “We should just be friends,” but her hammering heart was insisting that response remain unsaid.

  “What do you want, Sergei?” she teased, her voice breathy. Her body liked this tension.

  At her words, his hands slid around to cup her behind, pressing her against him. His eyes blazed with passion, and his broad chest expanded with each quickening breath. Nora gripped his shoulders to steady herself. She looked into his blue eyes fringed with golden lashes. There was no question what he wanted. But did she want this? Her body wanted to be caressed and her skin tingled, but her mind was telling her something else. She should not lead him on if she was not sure. Sergei was a great guy, a good friend, attractive, but…

  Sergei released his grip on her, and she immediately stepped back. Had he read something on her face? Had he felt her pull back slightly? He looked away and grabbed his beer bottle. He took a long swig and adjusted his pants. After a deep breath he looked at her. “I think we should go back inside.”

  Nora felt her heart squeeze with guilt. She had pushed him to his limit and then she’d hesitated. Had Sergei sensed her second thoughts?

  Nora grabbed his hand before he reached the doorknob.

  “Sergei, I just need some time. I’m still sort of seeing someone right now, and I don’t want to complicate things or be unfair to you.” His expression was hard to read, but she could tell he was thinking about what she said. “I’ve hardly ever had one person interested in me, never mind two at the same time.” Even Phillip, who had loved her, hadn’t shown her the interest she deserved. “Believe me.” She noticed his eyes were now focused on hers. “This is new for me. I’m still trying to sort out my feelings. My life has changed so much in such a short period of time. I’m still trying to catch my breath.” She shrugged and laughed at how crazy her new life had become. Antonio’s face flashed before her eyes, and then there was Ben. His image lingered. No, there is nothing going on between me and Ben. He had not made a move or shown any true interest in her–not really–despite what her friends reported about his interest. He was just being nice, Nora told herself.

  Sergei smiled at her honesty. “Are you going to keep seeing this guy? Do I know him?”

  “You don’t know him. I’m not certain there can be a future for us. His ideas of a relationship are very different than mine.” She could keep seeing Antonio and just enjoy what they had, but Nora knew she would eventually want more. She’d never thought about being in a long-term relationship with Sergei. Nora was responding to his attraction for her. She had to admit she was still a little curious, but was it worth the risk?

  “Okay, Nora, then we will be, as they say, to be continued…” They agreed and went back inside. She enjoyed the rest of her evening. Sergei was laid back, as always, and made her feel at ease. That night in bed, Nora’s thoughts were filled with the image of a certain green-eyed man she wished she could know better.

  * * *

  As mid-July approached, Nora picked up a trip to Rome. She arrived at her hotel, took a long, cool shower, and slipped into a sundress. Rome’s July heat did not stop its citizens from flooding the streets. The Italians were a loud, hot-blooded lot. Nora knew just how hot-blooded her Italian man was. She phoned Antonio and asked him if he’d like to see her.

  “Are you here? In Rome?”

  She smiled at the excitement in his voice.

  “I’m on my way to our favorite coffee shop as we speak. What are you up to today?” She felt butterflies begin to flutter in her stomach. She wanted to see him, to be with him physically, but she also knew it was time to end this. Meeting Antonio in a public place would increase her chances of ending their relationship. In private she might not be able to resist him.

  “I’ve been looking at market analysis spreadsheets all morning. I’m ready for a break. I can be there in about thirty minutes.”

  While Nora wa
ited for Antonio, she rehearsed what she wanted to say. Before long his sports car purred to the curb. He stepped out, looking like a model from a men’s magazine add.

  Oh no, he looks amazing! How am I going to do this? She was worried, and for good reason. Before she knew it he was pulling her into his embrace; his passionate kiss left her weak in the knees. Her planned resistance was nonexistent. She slid her arms around his neck, locking her fingers in his wavy dark hair before she realized what she was doing.

  “What a wonderful surprise. I am very glad to see you.” His musky fragrance filled her senses. It was as strong as his presence. As usual, he held her hand, stroking her skin with his thumb. When they sat down he did not let go.

  “It’s good to see you, too, Antonio.”

  He reached out to caress a stray lock of hair that had escaped her loose bun. “How long are you here? Did you already check into your hotel?” She knew he preferred her to stay at his place.

  “Yes, I checked in this morning. I leave again the day after tomorrow.” His quizzical expression told Nora he knew something was up, but she steered the conversation in a safer direction. “How have you been? How’s business?”

  Antonio ordered an espresso, and then they caught up for a while. After he paid the bill, Nora pushed her chair back and stood.

  Antonio quickly said, “Do you want to come back to my place? I can finish up some work and then take you to dinner later?”

  “I think I’ll do some tourist stuff this afternoon. I’d like to have dinner with you later.” Nora couldn’t bring herself to break it off yet. Seeing Antonio again had caught her off guard. She needed time to think–but she would tell him tonight. Tonight! No exceptions!

  “Okay. I will pick you up at seven? Unless you want me to come earlier?” His voice was low and seductive.

  “Seven is fine. We’ll talk tonight.” Why am I prolonging this? She had not said one word she had planned to say.

  He leaned over and gave her a lingering kiss.

  This is proving harder than I thought.

  Nora walked back to her hotel. The concierge called her a cab to take her to the Galleria Borghese, where she spent the whole afternoon feasting her eyes on antiquities, art, and sculptures by Bernini. The seventeenth-century villa that housed the collections was magnificent. She wished she had a companion to share the experience with. Antonio had never suggested touring or visiting museums with her except for one time when they drove past some iconic structures on their way to his family’s vineyard. His interests in her were clearly physical, and that made her feel desirable and spoke to her ego.

  What more do I want from Antonio, besides being his mistress? She focused on a painting and wondered what Antonio would think of it. She realized she didn’t feel a deep connection with Antonio intellectually. She didn’t get the sense that she would ever truly know him. Their conversations were superficial, and he rarely asked anything about her personally. She wanted someone to share her interests, not just her bed. Still, breaking up with him would hurt her heart. He was the first man to ever show her so much passion. She was only human, after all.

  She took a bus back to her hotel after she unsuccessfully tried hailing a cab. She had learned to get a lot better at reading maps and was becoming a pretty savvy traveler. The city bus was overcrowded, and she was pressed up against other sweaty people.

  Old buildings like her hotel did not have air conditioning. Another cool shower felt wonderful.

  Nora met Antonio in the lobby later, and he drove them to small restaurant that specialized in veal. Dinner was delicious. Nora monitored her wine intake. She told Antonio about her visit to the museum and asked if he visited any of the galleries in his beautiful city.

  “They say the best museum in Rome is the city itself.” He sipped on his wine. “I don’t visit these places. I like the vibe of this city–it has good energy.”

  Hmm. Nora could not relate to the vibe he spoke of. She loved the ancient buildings and carvings but found the city dirty and congested. She did not say that to him though. Instead she said, “It has an amazing sense of history.”

  After their dinner dishes were carried away and the wine bottle stood empty, Antonio asked, his voice deep with concern, “Nora, what is troubling you?”

  “Antonio, the last time we were together you told me you would be marrying someone else someday, but you still wanted to date me now.” Nora focused her gaze on a tiny oil stain on the tablecloth to avoid his intense stare. “I’ve been struggling with that being…‌okay. I care about you. I really enjoy the time we spend together. You make me feel amazing, but…‌I don’t think we should continue seeing each other.” She looked at him. “It’s not what I want.” She spoke apologetically, but her voice was firm.

  “No, Nora, don’t say this. You are breaking my heart.”

  The waiter came toward the table. “Please. I have more to say.” Antonio paused to pull out his wallet and handed over cash. The waiter gave a pleasant nod and wished them a good evening. Nora mustered a smile in response. They stood and moved toward the exit.

  Antonio guided her to his car. Once inside he drove them to her hotel and parked. They had been silent, each considering how they should proceed.

  “Nora, please let me try to explain this again. The thing I want you to know–you must know–is how I feel about you.”

  His voice is so seductive; he can be so convincing!

  He twisted in his seat to look at her, but she looked straight ahead to avoid being tempted by him.

  “Feelings aside, we want different things.” Nora did not think their relationship was really that important to him. After all, he was gorgeous and successful, and he admitted he had many girlfriends. I am a plaything to him, she thought. To be fair, he had been honest with her. Nora reminded herself she had been rebounding from a long-term relationship. Rebounds are never a sure thing. Everyone knows that. They had a physical relationship–that was it.

  “We want to be together. That is the same thing. I told you, you have my heart. And I’m not getting married for a very long time. Things may even change. But right now, I know we are supposed to be together. Please consider this. We can make it work.”

  She turned to him. “I don’t think so.” She rested her hand on his cheek. “I think this is our last night together.” He closed his eyes and leaned toward her. Their foreheads touched, and she whispered, “You know I’m right.” He opened his eyes. They were filled with sorrow. This is hard on him, she realized.

  “I hope you change your mind. Can I see you when you are here on your next layover?” He pulled back, giving her puppy-dog eyes.

  “I’m going to take trips to other cities for a while.” Her heart felt heavy. “Antonio, this is hard for me, too, but I think it is for the best.”

  “Can I call you? I like the sound of your voice. I don’t want you to forget me.”

  “That’s not a good idea,” she discouraged him. Nora felt tears stab at the back of her eyes, but she held them in check. She would miss his glorious body, his dark wavy hair, and his soulful eyes. But she held strong, staying her course. Nora had changed now, and she knew she wanted more, just as when she’d been with Phillip. Change was hard; decisions were sometimes hard, but she was at a place where she could make them confidently.

  But it pained her to see the longing in his eyes.

  “Nora, may I kiss you good-bye?”

  She didn’t say no. He leaned forward, and she slid her hand behind his neck and into his hair. She wanted one last long kiss. She would remember him like a delicacy, something she would savor for as long as she could. She was grateful he had saved her that day in the alley, and she would never forget how desired he had made her feel. She kissed him passionately before pulling away. She slipped from his grasp. “Good-bye, Antonio.”

  He sighed. “Until we meet again, Nora.”

  Nora slipped from the car without a backward glance and hastened across the stre
et, the tears she’d held in check earlier now rolling down her cheeks. She dashed them away, telling herself she could move on to other possibilities.

  * * *

  Nora was already feeling emotional when she rode in the employee bus to the parking lot in Philadelphia. And then she retrieved a message from her phone to call home right away. She sprinted off the van, tossed her luggage into the trunk, and slid in behind the wheel of her Ford Escape. She frantically called her mother. She listened in horror as her mother told her that Victoria had been rushed to the hospital; she’d lost the baby. No! Nora’s eyes burned and her throat felt raw.

  “She’s tried for so long. She was so happy. Is she okay physically?” Nora asked her mother. Nora couldn’t imagine how distraught her sister must be.

  Her mother explained Victoria was all right, but she was devastated. Victoria had been almost six months along with a boy. They had named him and were planning a small funeral service for Friday morning.

  Nora hung up and calmed herself down, and then she drove to her townhouse to repack her bag. Within thirty minutes she was back on the road, heading to her parent’s house. Nora called Bree and sniffled her way through the conversation. Bree consoled her as well as a close friend could.

  Nora drove down a familiar tree-lined street. She lowered the volume on the radio; she hadn’t been listening anyway as her mind tried to wrap itself around this terrible situation. She steered the car into her parent’s driveway, where her safe and loving family lived. She had distanced herself, and she felt the true impact of that now.

  It was a quiet Thursday morning. Nora’s dad’s car was gone. He must be at work. Nora’s mother met her at the back door. “Hello, stranger.” Heidi’s voice was low, but she smiled at her daughter. The “stranger” part stoked Nora’s guilty conscience.

  “Hi, Mom.” They embraced, synchronized in sadness.